Professionally Fucked Up

every day people ask me why i can easily hurt girls and simply not give a fuck, but the truth is deep down i know exactly how it feels. Where did it begin you ask? I'd say when i used to let people walk all over me. I honestly was not the...hm how do i put this? i wasn't the most attractive person ever then i cut my hair and it seemed every girl i had ever thought i wanted started to want me but what i learned is someone should want you for your heart and your soul not the way your hair is cut or how sexy your voice sounds or how "hot" you have become. after i learned that it became a requirement for someone to like me for something other than my looks. 

but when has that ever worked out? i fell for a girl let's call her....speed. well picture this speed and i had been off and on since 8th grade. i was her shoulder to cry on. i was here waiting for her when her mother drug her out of school. im a sophomore. in a new school. around girls who seem to look at me like im some kind of new exotic creature but i didn't understand because nobody had looked at me like that. long story short speed messed around with 7 or 8 guys and fucked up my heart then there was lilly who cheated on me with 2 people. a guy and a girl. skipping all of the rest the very last one took my heart and ripped it right out of my chest. 

i was completely and utterly down for this girl. sure in the beginning i messed around with my ex but i changed for this girl. i went from this asshole who didn't care about anyone but herself to a sweet and understanding girl who gave up everything for a girl to just tell her in the end she wasn't enough. oh god how i cried. every day i laid in my bed and cried then one night after to much alcohol i sat on my knees bent over while my best friend jammed her fingers down my throat causing me to throw my guts up and as i looked around i started to realize just because i lost this girl didn't mean i was alone. i still had my friends and my family. i didn't need a girl. 

but now there's a problem there's this girl and she has me wrapped around her cute little finger and i am so fucking scared it isn't funny

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