Mommy Issues


Growing up my dad was always working and my mother well I did not meet her until I was 9 when my father gave me the choice to meet and stay with my mother for a while. Naturally, I chose to meet my mother and get to know her as much as I could so that is exactly what I did. Soon after I moved to Irvine, I got settled in and started to notice something was too good to be true. One night I woke up in the middle of the night to my mother being arrested for drug related charges and so I went to live with my grandmother. I was absolutely terrified and deep down so mad at my mother, I could not understand why someone would risk a relationship with their child for drugs. It seemed everywhere I went there were people who either dropped out of high school and started dealing drugs or stayed in Irvine and never even went to college. I became curious and asked my grandmother if anyone in our family had been to college and she said no. Well after my dad had found out what happened he came and brought me back home and I continued on and off to have contact with my mother.


The very last time she got arrested, I told myself enough was enough. I started to not trust anybody and tell myself I would never let anyone close enough to hurt me. This decision started to affect my relationships with friends and girls. I started to push everyone away including my family, I refused to let anyone help me. I started losing everyone I ever cared about and it started to tear me apart piece by piece. I started looking at girls as objects instead of thinking about their feelings as well because to me it did not matter whether they were hurt as long as I was not the one getting hurt. Then I met a girl and my whole thought process changed, she was the love of my life and the most I hurt her the more I hurt myself because actually hearing the things that I did to her out loud tore my heart in two. When I got my second chance I told myself I was going to let her in and show her that I could be a better person. Well I say show her but inside I needed to show myself that I could change that I could finally look in the mirror and not hate the person looking back at me.
Things started to get worse from there because other than that girl I had nobody else to talk to and all I ever heard about was how my friends’ moms helped them through all of their problems and I started to wonder how that felt. I just wanted to know how it felt to have her shoulder to cry on.





  

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