The Troubles of LGBTQ+

I was in 8th grade when I finally realized I was lesbian, well I say realized but in reality I always had a feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach. I was absolutely terrified to come out to my family and friends, because my whole life all I had been taught was how being gay was a sin and all I saw on the news and on social media was how homosexual people were gross and completely wrong. So I decided to keep it a secret until one day my best friend asked me if I was, and all I remember was just breaking down and nodding my head. She sat that whole day, and helped me come up with a way to break the news to my parents. I got home and my stomach felt like it was literally twisting, but before I could come out to my parents my brother did and my dad just got up disappointed and walked back to his room. After seeing the way my dad reacted I was even more terrified than I was before because I didn’t want to disappoint my dad or let him down.

I hid it for a couple years by talking about how the boys in my classes or school were “cute” and even had one of my best guy friends pretend to take me on a date. That continued until my sophomore year when I met a girl, god I was so nervous to ask my parents to hang out with her because she lived in Louisville so we would’ve never met unless I did. I asked my parents if I could hang out with my “friend” and surprisingly they said yes. After we hung out I came home and completely broke down and my mom took one look at me and just said “she’s your girlfriend, isn’t she?” and I just nodded. Soon after my break down my mom told my whole church and the people I grew up with in my life became the people I used to know. I started hiding myself in work and avoiding social media because all I heard was how homosexuality was a sin and how I was going to hell.

The very first day I became open about my sexuality I woke up to a message saying they wished I’d kill myself. I started to hurt myself and tried to take my life a couple times. I also started skipping school a lot but then one day I decided that I was going to go. We had a guest speaker who told us it was okay to be different and that being unique was beautiful. After that day, I stopped hurting myself and slowly I was able to look at myself in the mirror and say to myself “hey it’s okay not everyone can be the same”. I realized love is love no matter the gender.

 

But don't be fooled things did NOT get better from there, I ended up breaking up with her for a girl who in the end left me bauling my eyes out like a baby when I needed her the most. This same girl has now fucked up my whole views on love because every time my heart tells me to chase after a good girl my mind tells me to let her go because I may end up hurt. So I started fucking around with multiple girls and now the girl that I finally settled down with and started focusing on is now paying for her mistakes. She is now paying for all the lies, all the broken trust, every drunken mistake and it kills her and myself inside. I've fallen in love. It's safe to say my heart has been stolen and god when I'm around her she makes me happy as fuck. Waking up next to her is amazing and hearing her voice on the other side of the phone when I need her is even better.

 

I'm not here to tell you things get better or that you're beautiful the way you are. I'm here to tell you this world is one fucked up place and if you don't watch yourself you will find yourself trapped in a place that you don't want to be in. So protect your heart but don't hurt the ones trying to piece it back together in the process.